I think part of what makes me want a queeplatonic partner so badly, besides, of course, having someone who understands you and likes spending time with you and talking with you, going places, sharing hobbies, hanging out, etc. is the fact that it means you have someone who thinks of you as someone special.
With me being aro and ace and whatnot I think of most of my close friends as being very special to me. In my eyes, my closest friends are my special someone’s. They are very near and dear to me, like family even. I’d do anything to help them if they needed it. But to people who aren’t aromantic, their romantic partners normally come first and I know that. I’m happy for them of course, but I do want someone to think of me in that special way as well. I have many friends who claim they think of their friends as family and such but in the end, their romantic partners always come first and I think that fear of always being in 2nd place is part of what makes me really long for someone to think of me as their number one. I like thinking of all my close friends as equal, but when you realize that they don’t quite think of you in the same manner…it hurts.
Of course, my wanting someone to think of me as their special someone, their number one, is also really greedy. Because then I am asking them to do the same with me as what bothers me about what my friend’s do.
But perhaps it is human nature to some degree though to want that one person who not only tells you that you are their special person but who you also know thinks of you that way. That knowledge that both of you think of each other that way. You are both each other’s most special person. Surely each of you have other special people in your life as well, but that feeling that you are most important to each other is what I believe I really want. I want to feel that platonic closeness. I want to feel that deep down in my soul, and know that I am their important person.
I love my friends dearly, more than words can say, but I don’t want to continue being second place forever and regardless of what they may say, I know that I will always come after the romantic partners in their life.
I want to find that someone I know I will be first place with and they will be my first place. I’ll continue to always take care of all my friends to the best of my ability and maybe it is selfish and greedy…but I want to be someone’s number one instead of continuing to be everyone’s number two…
I know the feeling. I’m also aro-ace, and I’m not sure whether I want a queerplatonic relationship or not. Part of me thinks it sounds awesome, but another part of me wonders how much of my desire for it is just traces of the “everyone needs a partner to be happy!” idea that I know is bullshit. It’s hard to tell how much of my desire for a relationship is really just wanting to be valued by someone, and whether that’s a good reason to want a relationship or not.
I’ve been reading this discussion and the one about nonamory with interest. Since I learned about the concept of queerplatonic relationships, I’ve become more interested in the idea of having such a relationship. However, for me this interest is mostly abstract or theoretical. I very definitely do not want any kind of sexual or romantic relationship, but a queerplatonic relationship sounds like something I could actually handle and might like. I didn’t realize until recently that such a thing was possible.
But… in practice I’m nonamorous (i.e., characterized by nonamory as defined in the link above), have been my entire adult life, and see myself continuing that way for the foreseeable future. I don’t even know how I would get to a place of having a queerplatonic relationship or if I would actually like having another person around that much or in that way. I feel like a lot of this is because I’m very introverted, though, and it isn’t related to my asexuality or aromanticism.